The King Has Spoken
The King of Fashion --- He will be going through life commenting on fashion as He sees it. He comes here with no formal training in the matter, but He still does not think that makes him unqualified for the position.
These boots are designed with a small amount of whoredom in mind. Friday and Saturday nights mostly. The pathetically uncreative styling of this boot was specifically designed by UGG to match a pair of black spandex, a North Face fleece jacket and a shirt with some Greek symbols on it. UGG originally intended to call these boots "Open for Business," but they eventually settled for the less egregious name, "Sorority Slut."
Taking into account the fur length alone, you already know this girl takes off her clothes for money. It's the only thing to distract you from the fake tits. This is the kind of girl that wears super low cut shirts for attention and ironically yells at guys for staring. The bright white color of the fur designates that her workplace doesn't stop at topless and the overwhelming frizziness dictates that a trip to the champagne room is probably less than $20.Tier 3: Nuclear Meltdown
The amount of fur on this boot actually has a utilitarian purpose. There is just enough room in the cluster of sheep hair to hide a knife, so that you can stab the truck driver and break the window to safely escape the cab. The other boot stows a cell phone. That way you can call the police and inform them which truck stop parking lot you work at so they can come break up the less-than-domestic disturbance. And haul you off to jail for prostitution.
I should say that girls shouldn't be wearing boots from this company for obvious reasons. They are some hideous looking shoes. However, in a way they are doing the world a service. If you have recently been with a girl that wears anything off of the list above, save the trip to the doctors office; you have chlamydia.
DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this article are the author's own and do not reflect RVA Magazine editorial policy (that goes double for this particular article). Additionally, they are presented for humorous purposes, so don't take this shit too seriously.
Most women care a good deal about how they look. Maybe they won’t look in the mirror and diligently put on makeup before a night spent watching TV on the couch, but they certainly will become as vain as necessary while preparing to go out with friends – or to impress a guy.
For the most part, men look good only because we want women to find us attractive. Women, on the other hand, always tell me that they care about their appearance mainly for themselves. I want to look good for me is a line I often hear when this type of conversation arises. I don’t buy it. I think women, just like men, dress nicely for the prime sake of the opposite gender. They want to catch our attention, and we want to grab theirs. This is how we are biologically programmed.
And women usually succeed. If they have enough natural hotness to begin with, there’s no question that they’ll dress prepared whenever there’s a guy out there who needs to be impressed. They know what we like, how to look sexy, and what they need to wear in order to make that happen. But sometimes I’ve found there to be a disconnect. Sometimes the woman we care about some element of her physical appearance – but really, we couldn’t in the least.
Here’s what I’m talking about:
-Earrings. Even I’ll admit that a nice, classy necklace can really complement a good dress. But earrings? I’ve never been able to appreciate earrings on a woman. And I only will notice them in the first place if they are big, gaudy, and unattractive.
-Rings. Like earrings, a ring adds nothing to a woman’s physique. I couldn’t care less about those tungsten rings you’re sporting. Ultimately, guys look for a wedding ring and, well, that’s about it.
-Lingerie. This one is more controversial, but I simply cannot understand the why someone would spend good money on a couple pieces of lace. Most of the time it will merely be hidden under your clothes. And, when you reveal your lingerie to a guy, he’s just going to want you to take it off as quickly as possible.
-Manicures and pedicures. Getting a manicure or pedicure is one of the vainest – and perhaps most useless – wastes of money out there. Unless you have a serious foot fetish, no man is going to care about the smoothness and glossiness of your toenails.
-False eyelashes. Among many other synthetic additions women make to their body, fake eyelashes look just that – fake. While we may like the idea of the pretty, innocent girl with long-eyelashes, seeing someone with the unnatural is simply not going to give us that same image of virginity.
While I’m sure there are more things I could add to the list, these are the first that came to mind. Do you agree or disagree with my tally? What else would you add?