Thursday, May 31, 2012

Is This the Craziest Roommate Contract Ever?

Roommate Responsibilities
Dear ________,
I am so thrilled you decided to live with me starting June 1 2012 and ending June 1 2013. I am looking forward to spending time with you, it will be a lot of fun having you as a roommate. Before you move in, I always like to discuss and heavily define some roommate responsibilities. I do this NOT because I am crazy, but solely due to the fact that I have had roommates in the past who do not know how to be decent roommates and are quite frankly lazy and semi-cheap. I feel a sense of responsibility when taking on the role of being a roommate and I hope the other reciprocates equally. I always write out of list of items each of us need to purchase in the next year because I am a very organized person and I feel it is much easier to see on paper. Once you read this over and agree with the following, please date and sign this document. Furthermore, please let me know if you have ANY questions and I will be happy to answer or modify any of your needs/concerns. You can contact me via email (removed) or cell (removed).
Can't wait to live with you!

Best,
removed

Roommate Responsibilities:
Write your NAME next to half of them (10 total) and please understand that you are responsible for these items until our lease is over (June 1, 2013):
1) 3-5 NEW Brita filters every 2 months (imperative)

2) 2 bottles of WHITE wine per week or bi-weekly (I like all kinds)
3) 2 bottles of RED wine per week or bi-weekly (I like all kinds)
4) Shampoo (Costco or BJ's size ALWAYS)
5) Conditioner (Costco or BJ's size ALWAYS)
6) Body Wash (Costco or BJ's size ALWAYS)
7) Razor Blades AND Shaving Cream (Costco or BJ's ALWAYS)
8) Cleaning Products: Scrubbing Bubbles, Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, Windex, Clorox Wipes, Toilet Magic Wand, etc. (feel free to add any you like)
9) Hand Soap for Bathroom AND Kitchen (anything with a lemon or vanilla scent works)
10) Paper Towels (Costco or BJ's size ALWAYS)
11) Toilet Paper (Costco or BJ's size AlWAYS)
12) Paper Products (Red Solo Cups, plastic cups, paper plates, etc.)
13) Napkins
14) Food Shopping (I usually split the groceries HOWEVER if we don't eat the same thing, we can do this separately)
15) Tampons (Costco or BJ's size AlWAYS)
16) Bug Repellent for Apartment
17) Laundry Detergent
18) Dish Washer Detergent
19) Sponges (I like to change these monthly)
20) Air Freshener 
21) PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD ANYTHING ELSE!

Signature: ___________________________  Date: _________________


HE RESPONDS AFTER THE BREAK...


While this has absolutely nothing to do with fashion, someone in the ArmHe forwarded this Roommate Responsibilities Contract and He could not pass up the opportunity to share this with the world. He is all for spiting things with roommate so it works out to be financially fair, but if I have to buy you sheets for your bed and share half my Snapple with you, there is a problem.

1) Any woman who says she is NOT Crazy, is 10000% a crazy bitch.
2) Love how this chick calls her past roommates "semi-cheap" but cannot be bothered with buying personal items herself
3) He has never met two girls that use the same shampoo, hell you go into a girl bathroom, its like a freakin Duane Reade, each girl has like 10 different soaps, shampoos and conditioners. Maybe cheapo here enjoys Costco Generic Shampoo, but there is no way another other girl agrees to this.
4) Bug Repellent for Apartment - Do the cockroaches have to sign a similar agreement?
5) Laundry Detergent - Please, you know laundry gets sent out to be done
6) As your roommate I am commanded to buy 4 bottles of wine a week?
7) Hand soap - has to be lemon or vanilla? If peach is on sale, that's against the rules?
8) Tampons - You need Costco sized tampon? What kind of wild flow do you have going on?
9) Paper products - Somehow Solo cups and plastic cups made it into this category, but napkins did not?
10) Body wash? Does the roommate need to buy you a loofah too?



Further proof women are crazy. Good luck finding a roommate.
-He

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3 comments:

  1. #7 actually seems considerate; who wouldn't want to slit their wrist after living with this wacko?!

    ReplyDelete
  2. thank goodness i had great roommates back in the days.... : )

    ReplyDelete
  3. omg I would have to curse her out. I hope this person ran for the hills, that chick is certifiable!

    ReplyDelete

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